The finger trap is a simple yet deceptive puzzle. You slip your fingers into either end, and as soon as you try to pull them out, you’re stuck. The harder you tug, the tighter the woven bamboo grips. Frustration builds. Panic might set in. And then, if you stop resisting and experiment a little, you uncover the secret: escape comes not from pulling away, but from leaning in. Relax. Move your fingers towards each other, and just like that, you’re free.
It’s an oddly perfect metaphor for emotional struggles. When we resist painful feelings—whether it’s anxiety, grief, fear, or anger—we often make things worse. We tense up, push them away, try to ignore them. But the paradox is this: the more we resist, the more they persist. Like the finger trap, the key to emotional freedom isn’t about force; it’s about moving towards the discomfort instead of away from it.
The Trap of Emotional Resistance
So many of us have been there. A painful feeling or memory surfaces, and we try to distract ourselves with work, social media, or another episode of whatever show we’ve already rewatched three times. Maybe we try to reason our way out of it, telling ourselves we’re being irrational and shouldn’t feel this way. We bottle up our sadness, fearing that if we start crying, we might never stop. But much like yanking on the finger trap, avoidance only deepens the struggle.
Leaning in, on the other hand, means acknowledging what’s happening inside us without judgment. It means saying, “Ah, I see you, anxiety,” instead of “I need this to go away right now.” It’s about noticing our emotions, naming them, and allowing them to be there without immediately reacting. Counterintuitive? Absolutely. Effective? Incredibly.
How to Lean In Without Getting Stuck
Knowing about the trick doesn’t mean we can always execute it flawlessly. Here are three ways to practise leaning into your emotions instead of resisting them:
1. Get Curious: Instead of fighting a difficult emotion, try investigating it. Ask yourself: What is this feeling trying to tell me? Where do I feel it in my body? What happens if I stop trying to change it and just let it be? See if you can treat your emotions like guests—some turn up unexpectedly, some disrupt your plans, and some overstay their welcome, but each has a reason for being there and something important to teach us.
2. Speak to Yourself Like a Friend: If a close friend were struggling with sadness or fear, you wouldn’t tell them to “just get over it.” You’d offer kindness and reassurance. Try extending that same compassion to yourself.
3. Let the Waves Roll In and Out: One of the biggest reasons we resist emotions is because we want them gone now. But emotions, like waves, rise and fall naturally when we let them. Even the most intense feelings are temporary—by allowing yourself to feel them fully, you make space for them to naturally fade instead of keeping them trapped. When you lean in and allow them to move through you, they tend to pass more quickly than when you fight them.
Freedom on the Other Side
The beauty of the finger trap is that once you’ve figured it out, you never forget. The same is true for emotional work. The first time you sit with an uncomfortable feeling instead of pushing it away, it might feel strange. But over time, you start to trust the process. You realise that leaning in doesn’t mean getting stuck—it means finding your way through.
Therapy can help you navigate these emotional patterns with guidance and support. Trained therapists can provide tools to help you lean in, process emotions in a safe environment, and build resilience. If you're ready to explore this process with professional help, contact us to book a session. The way forward isn’t about pulling away—it’s about leaning in.
A self-described geek, Maria Laquerre-Diego is a CEO and Owner who is committed to increasing access to mental health services and breaking down the stigma surrounding therapy services. As a therapist turned CEO, Maria has developed a unique perspective when it comes to mental health and the barriers surrounding mental health treatment. Influenced by her time at New Mexico State University in the Family and Consumer Science department, and University of New Hampshire’s Marriage and Family Therapy department, Maria has turned her dedication to giving back and supporting future generations of therapists. In addition to supporting mental health providers, Maria takes an active role in addressing the continued stigma of mental health services through the use of pop culture – everything from movies and television shows to superheroes and Disney characters. Maria has spoken about mental health at several local events, has served as an officer on professional boards and has provided training to clinicians all over the country while maintaining her and her family’s roots as Aggies! Outside of the office, Maria can be found spending time with her family and loved ones, exploring the world through travel, and creating cosplays for herself, her husband and their two little ones. Maria is always happy to talk about Star Wars, Marvel and mental health and can be contacted through her practice website www.anewhopetc.org
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